My Dark School Of Thoughts

       
      Am African and proud of it, am educated with a degree in pharmacology, am from a respectable and average family, we weren’t rich but we were far from lacking. My dissatisfaction with what has been provided for me by my parents and need for the finer things in life led me into what we call “Internet Scam” today, I was specifically into impersonation on dating sites, I preyed on the unsuspecting lonely middle aged white women hoping to find love and it paid me dividend while it lasted. But I wouldn’t want to bore you with details so I will go straight to the crux of my story.

     
  Her name is Hailey, she is 39 years of age, she is a Canadian who resides in the United States and a very talented painter who is single and eager to mingle. She is looking to meet the man of her dreams, so I set about the task of convincing her that I was her Mr. Right. We started a correspondence and things went on smoothly till she eventually fell hopelessly in love with me and wanted us to tie the knots immediately after I graduated from university. I eventually finished school and she wanted to come over for my graduation and then get married, because it would be easier for her to obtain a visa for me if she presented me as her husband to the embassy. But the problem was this; she thinks am Romanian, 30 years of age, white and that I reside in London. Faced with this kind of dilemma, I resolved to tell her the truth about myself and hope she forgives me because I desperately wanted to go over to the united state where I would eventually dump her because I wasn’t ready to honor our nuptial vows. I told her about my deception and as expected she was hurt, angry and felt betrayed, I begged her and told her that my identity was a lie but my feelings for her weren’t. She eventually forgave me after much pleading and cajoling and made me promise never to lie to her again, then we got married and we moved back to the united state as man and wife.

  

     I was living with a woman with an extreme case of Bi-polar disorder and she was taking drugs for it, drugs like a mood stabilizer Symbax a pill that combines Olanzapine with an anti depressant called Flouxetine and an anti psychotic called Risperidone among others to control her disorder, she was supposed to be on a severe medical cocktail but refused to take it regularly because she claims “it removes the buzz from her”, whatever that meant beats the crap out of me and I didn’t bother asking. To make matters worse she was a pathological drunk who carried on her a flask of whiskey at all times, I once confronted her on the drinking issue and she went into a rage, telling me it was none of my business but if I wanted to know she would tell me, then she said they were for calming her nerve whenever she was anxious and excited, just like her present state of mind and she took a swig from the flask to emphasis her point. At this point my life was a living hell, arguments every hour, fights every day, fights that were always bloody and I was mostly at the receiving end of the battering because she was very strong, she made me see the truth behind the statement about lunatics having in-human strength. It got to a point that after 8 months of the same shit I willingly submitted myself to immigrations for deportation just to escape her. But as the devil will have it that didn’t work either because after I submitted myself to them they checked my records for anything that was remotely phony or funny, and that was when they found out I was married. When I was approached with the marriage issue I broke down and started crying, begging them to let me go back to my country and that I was willing to do anything for my freedom, They refused and called my wife. It was that day I realized Hailey was in the wrong profession, she should have been an actress because she walked into the office crying and begging not to leave her, that she loves me, we can walk things out, that more-ever I can’t leave her now, and that was when she dropped the bombshell, I am carrying your baby! That she had missed her period for the last two months and only just confirmation today from her gynecologist. That was the last straw because I was immediately bundled back home and you cant imagine what I went through with Hailey, the memory of what happened to me  after I was brought back home was so painful, traumatic and shameful that I have completely deleted it from my mind.

        

          In the subsequent months Hailey became worse, she was always snapping, barking, nagging and blaming me for she getting pregnant, that’s she was a fool for even keeping it because the child would never turn out right because it’s father was a ‘wuss’ and a ‘puss’. It was a relief when she eventually put to bed and brought to this world a beautiful baby girl that looked like her mum but had my eyes, she was so adorable. Hailey transformed after her child birth, she became less of a bitch and became more of a human, it was so shocking to know that the monster had any capacity for motherly love. She stopped bitching around, spent more time at home, even reduced on the alcohol and started taking her medication, became less nosy over my matters and even allowed me get a job at a supermarket, And it was at my new job I fell in love, I mean true love.

    
      Her name is Tiffany and she is African American, she works with me in the supermarket and it was a case of love at first sight, our attraction was instantaneous. Over the weeks it grew and blossomed into something else that went out of control, I was beginning to spending time at her place after work, I was sharing her bed, we were always going out on dates and we talked about each others issues. I told her about my dreams and aspirations, told her about my personal hell called marriage, about the demon controlling my hell called my wife and about the lovely angel that is my daughter. And she told me about her growing up, her pains, betrayals, friends and her dreams. It was a perfect match from heaven and we were both content at the moment with what we had from each other until we were ready to take that bold step, but as life would have it Tiff got pregnant.

   
   In between all this Hailey began to get suspicious because according to her I was becoming unnecessarily too happy, I was always going to work early and coming back late and that I was adding weight. When she mentioned all that, I almost panicked because she was looking at me in the eyes like she knew something but I calmed down and tried to allay her fear by telling her that I was just enjoying my work and my new found freedom that was all, and that my weight could be attributed to satisfaction with my life at present, peace of mind and good food, and the matter died there or so I thought because when i look back now, she left the matter to quickly for comfort and that should have been my first indication that all was not well. So when Tiff told me she was pregnant I was stuck between to distinctive feelings, extreme joy and abject terror, joy over having a child with the woman I love and terror because of my fear for my life. After weighing all options, I reached these conclusions; I was in love with Tiff, I want to spend the rest of my life with her and her vice-versa, but with Hailey alive that was impossible, so the best way to go about it was to get rid of Hailey after all the bitch had it a long time coming and I was doing the world a huge favor. So this is what I did; I told Tiff we were keeping the baby, I was going to move in with her and we would get married but right after I have had a chat with Hailey, then I went out and got Cyanide sneaked back home when I was sure Hailey and the baby were napping and poisoned her whiskey flask then whipped it clean incase the police suspects any foul play because I intended to make it look like suicide, then I went back to work. The plan was to come back home in the evening, break the news to her from a distance thereby getting her upset enough to want to take a swig from the flask, I was banking on her getting so upset that she wouldn’t notice the Almond smell associated with Cyanide poisoning when she would be drinking and I was going to make sure I leave immediately so that I wouldn’t be anywhere near the crime scene.

      
   When I got back home later and broke the news to her she just looked at me mute like she had lost the will for a good fight, the only indication that she was upset were her shaking hands when I told her I was leaving immediately. She didn’t fight, she didn’t utter a word, the only thing she did was to just shed tears quietly and told me to leave our home immediately before she lost it completely. I was so happy to have had it so easy that I didn’t stop to wonder why she didn’t put up a fight, because if I did I would have realized that Hailey was shedding tears in mourning over me and not because of my betrayal, if I wasn’t so stupidly happy I would have remembered that I have never heard nor seen Hailey cry, not even when she under went a difficult labor during child birth, my dull mind didn’t think of it at all, all I was thinking about was of Tiff, our baby and our life together which I didn’t know was going to be very very brief. On my way back to Tiff’s I stopped at a mall and picked up a bottle of wine and a six pack then I ordered for pizza for I was euphoric about my freedom and I felt we needed to celebrate. I got back to Tiffany place and told her how everything went down then I popped the wine and we toasted to our new life, we wined and dined till we were drunk, then we made passionate love right there on the couch and then later in the room.

  

     I woke up in the morning with a big head ache and the morning sun was blinding so I kept my eyes shut and stretched my hand towards Tiff, she didn’t wake up so I assumed she was sleeping off a hang over then while I was withdrawing my hands I felt something wet on the mattress so I turned and opened my eyes and what I saw would have forever remained etched in my memory if I had lived. The love of my life was looking back at me with sightless eyes, she had been stabbed several times in her sleep and I was right beside her all along, immediately I saw her I knew who did it but how did she know? Before I could say anything further Hailey spoke behind me, I wanted the whores dead body to be the first thing you see when you wake up from your miserable and dirty sleep, I want you to hold this guilt in your heart till you die because her blood is on your head, I might have been my hands that dealt the blow but it was you that signed her death warrant. How could you do this to me? How? I allowed you this extra marital affair because you weren’t worthy to share my bed again and I knew all men were animals who need some form of release at one point in time or the other in the form of sex, oh! You are surprised? Of course I knew all along and I let it go, the final insult was for you to get her pregnant and wanting to leave me you insolent bastard, after all I have done for you, after all the love I showed you, so this is how you want to pay me? All these while I hadn’t noticed that she brought the baby along, can you imagine? She brought our baby to witness a murder. I started begging her because I reasoned that it was my only way out of this situation alive, I told her that I still loved her and that all is not lost, we can rebuild our marriage again, that I have realized my mistake and I cant even begin to imagine what I saw in Tiffany in the first place and that she was the only one I truly loved. After pleading for about an hour, she conceded and told me to come and kiss her as proof that I still loved her, so we kissed but I kissed with disgust, shame, fear, anger and pain for the loss of Tiffany, I didn’t think my life would be worth shit now that she was no longer alive. After the kiss Hailey held me and started crying, I was panicked and so I asked her, baby why are you crying? And she answered me, if you really love me why were your eyes open when we kissed? That was the last question that I ever contemplated answering because before I could utter any word in my defense she just started stabbing me in the back, I was shouting, begging and struggling to no avail then she finally dropped me when the baby started crying. She went to the baby cuddling and cooing the baby to sleep by saying ‘Daddy has been a bad boy and has paid the price, so watch and learner because all betrayers most eventually pay the ultimate price and do not worry you do not  need daddy any longer when you have me ’. The baby eventually stopped crying and she dropped him, looked back at me with that triumphant smile plastered on her face and she went with shaky hands for her flask of whiskey in her bag, then she took a full swig smiling and that was when the lights went out of me forever.