My Dark School Of Thoughts

     That middle finger is for those who don’t think too highly of me because of their inability to see what is really staring at them in the face, so i don’t give a F**k what you all think about me and neither do I give two. There are times I wonder who I really am, what I really like or what I would really become because my life is in a jumbled state of perpetual contradictions. I have people second guessing my actions or the next and the motive behind my steps, I know a lot of people who have a wrong perception of me because they only see what they want to see or they only see what they can see because the ability to see further than what they think I am or what I am supposed to be showing has been hindered or hampered by their mediocre analytical approach to an issue, its not like I really blame them though because I sometimes get myself confused about myself too.

     For starters I am a happy and colorful individual with the capacity to have and create fun out of nothing, I believe in a better tomorrow and the hope of a positive ending to anything unfortunate in life but on my blog I only write stories with sad endings, apart from my grand folks and an old uncle or two I haven’t lost anybody of importance in my life yet I have a very high mortality rate in my stories, so the question is this; am I to be judged by what my imagination creates or by how I am living and have lived my life? Because a lot of people believe that what goes on in your head are the reflections or a good indication of the life you live and the path you intend to take in the next foreseeable future. I have a lot of friends and I hang out with them but the truth is I love to be left alone to my own device. That is the most confusing part of me that has left me with no plausible explanation. How can I appreciate other peoples company and at the same time want to be left alone? I am a talkative and sometimes an annoying one but I would rather listen to you to no end as long as you are saying anything of interest. I have this affinity for crime but I want and love to pursue a career in law enforcement, where is the sense in that? Aren’t alleged criminals supposed to hate anything law enforcement? I love only ladies but my dressing and slight effeminate features could suggest I swing the other way. My looks give you the idea of a harmless saint but that’s a big lie because am not just a wolf in a sheep’s skin, I am both the wolf and sheep. I love kids and I have so much compassion for one that I can’t stand to see a child hurt but if you see me lose my patience with a child you would be terrified and you will tag me as heartless. Why would I be inflicting pain on others but I still manage to smile like I am spending quality time with my girlfriend? My different set of friends would agree about one thing, and it is that am a crazy person but they all have seen different sides to me that the others don’t. I am from a Christian family but I am not religious, infact my views concerning religion seem to lean towards blasphemy according to some people. I move around the crowd of partygoers, I drink and indulge myself in this and that but I also have an equal number of friends that can be considered as having almost no social etiquette and I enjoy their company equally. I don’t understand why I who loves gizmos so much hate the use of cell phones? I have barely managed to pass mathematics in secondary school and have always managed to bang it in university yet I seem to have a good memory for numbers and I know at least thirty peoples phone number off hand. I am empathic to the feelings of people around me because I have managed to take out time to know them well but when I speak to them, make a suggest or ask something of them they are always quick to point out that I am manipulating them. To some set of people I am a very polite person while to others I am a very rude person, sometimes I can even be both at the same time. I love the internet and whenever it’s available I use it the fullest but I hate to chat with people on my messengers. I am a romantic at heart but half of the girls I have dated would tell you that I am as cold as ice or how I can love one girl so much that it hurts

and at the same time hate her guts. Can someone please explain to me why I usually don’t have the appetite to eat my best food that is really my best food? Or the reason why I take special care with my clothes and dressing yet can’t wait to get out off it before am in them because I really prefer having little or no form of clothing on my person? Or the reason why I have over two hundred musical Cd’s and about eighty percent of them are rap music, about eighteen percent of the remaining is R&B but my favorite musical genre is actually Pop & Rock? I can go on and on with it because the list is endless and we might never reach a favorable conclusion. My reason for writing this piece is because I want to let you know that the morale and motivation of a person is by far deeper than what he or she shows at the surface and that all we have to do is take out time to actually know a person. The complexity of my reasoning is so simple that very few will understand it not because they don’t have the capacity to understand but because they have programmed themselves to expect everything about me to be complex that they quickly discard the obvious simplest of reasons behind my actions in exchange for a non existing plot that they have managed to delude themselves that I am weaving.