My Dark School Of Thoughts

     As I packed lunch for my husband and my son Tommy I mused over the issues of the last three months and I was relieved it was going to be finally over today, first I take care of my husband and then she comes next. Tommy then hops into the kitchen yelling good morning and my heart swelled up with pride, for I would die of a broken heart if anything ever happened to him because it took me six years before I could get pregnant for him and the doctors say I cannot have anymore children after him. I ushered him to the dining table where I fussed over him, served him his breakfast and placed his lunch pack beside him, then my husband walks in barely muttering good morning, I ignored him and served him breakfast too. After breakfast he picks up his lunch and shouts for Tommy to come downstairs, that he had to drop him off at school and he wouldn’t want to be late for work, Tommy yelled an acknowledgment and bundled down the stairs. I stood by the window and watched them enter the car and drive off and then I started crying. My husband used to be a loving and caring husband until about three months ago, he became moody, short fused, always musing like he had a lot on his mind, we were always arguing, he comes back very late on Tuesdays and Thursdays and he stopped sleeping with me. I tried to reach out to him, begging him to tell me what the problem is but he always withdraws into himself. When it got too much I decided to wait outside his office one Tuesday to follow him to wherever he goes after work. You will never know how true that saying of how “what you don’t know can never hurt you” is until you stumble into a secret, I wished I hadn’t followed him because I wouldn’t be contemplating what was on my mind now, that  clandestine operation led my to a woman’s apartment. My husband was cheating on me with a beautiful young lady and the revelation hurt me so bad that I cried for a week. I kept on following him all week and I found out he visits her on Tuesdays and Thursdays after work and then on Saturdays around 12 o’clock. I have had sleepless nights over how to handle the issue and I reached my conclusion that since I can’t have my husband then she can’t have him too and she would pay for making me do what I had to do. So I had my bath and dressed up then went down stairs, I looked around the house to see if all the windows were locked and if all was in order when I saw that Tommy forgot it again, he always forgets it whenever he is in a hurry to get to school, so I picked it up and decided to drop it off at his school after I had dealt with the bitch who took my husband and his father away because her place was along the way to his school, with that on my mind I stepped out and locked the house.

        I got to her apartment, packed a little distance from it and watched the door to her house for about ten minutes trying to get my nerves together because I was so scared, there and then I almost lost the will to do it but I shook it off. I got out carrying my hand bag and went to the door and rang the bell, she opened the door after about six seconds and said good morning smiling, how may I be of assistance to you?  I opened my bag, brought out my husband gun, pointed it at her and then I pushed her inside her house. I forced her in to a chair and explained to her that she has given me so much pain and that it was only natural I do the same to her, I explained to her that her affair with my husband was killing me and destroying our happy marriage and that since it looked like I wasn’t going to have him then she wouldn’t to. She looked panicked and perplexed, told me that there must be a mistake somewhere, then she asked me who my husband was and I was so disgusted for it looked like she was having more than one affair at the same time, so i told her his name and realization dawned on her and the next thing she says is he didn’t tell you? Tell me what I asked? And that was when she laid down the story for me; she is a psychologist that just moved into the area, works out of her home temporarily because she hasn’t found a good office space to rent, my husband was her client that came for professional advice about four months ago. By then I was already sweating and panting, she said he was in a middle age crisis and she was helping him deal with it, he complained of not being able to get an erection during sex and even when he managed one he couldn’t keep it longer than five minutes. So it got him so ashamed and handicapped that he didn’t know how to tell you. He claimed that the thoughts of it were affecting his work, his personal and professional relationship with other people. While she was reciting her story my head was going on a rollercoaster, I pulled out my cell pone and repeatedly called my husband on his private and office line to no avail, by then I was already shaking and fearing the worse because I poisoned my husband lunch because of his supposed infidelity, before she knew it I was already running out of her house like the minions from hell where right on my tail, entered my car and zoomed off, on my way I passed Tommy’s school as the kids where pouring out of  their classroom for break but he was the last thing on my mind as i rushed to my husbands office. When I got there I got out of my car and flew in to the elevator that would take me to his floor, on getting there I met his secretary who recognized me, smiled and offered a greeting but I bashfully ignored her because pleasantries were far from my mind too and asked her for the whereabouts of my husband, she told me he just came out from a board meeting and he was in his office now, I quickly went to his office and rushed in unannounced, when I saw he was alright I heaved a sigh of relief and my joy knew no bounds, he was seated behind his desk looking so worn and tired poring over some office document, he looked up in confusion when I barged in, then seconds later in surprise when he recognized me and he quickly stood up and asked if everything was fine, all I did was repeatedly ask him if he has had his lunch and he said no because he has been in a meeting all morning and moreover he hasn’t had the chance to go out and buy lunch because he had to give Tommy his own since Tommy forgot his own at home. When I heard what he said Tommy’s lunch box fell from my hands to the floor and I let out a heart wrenching scream “WHAT HAVE I DONE”? “GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE”? While I was screaming out my soul my husband was holding me and asking what the problem was but I couldn’t speak, for I was heartbroken! Then I felt a sharp pain on my chest and I collapsed to the floor.