My Dark School Of Thoughts

  As lightening struck with blind fury, the rain continued beating persistently on the roof while the wind howled like a grieving mother. The windows are slamming against their frames, the single bulb in the room is blinking, fluctuating and threatening to go off completely, it’s like the forces of nature have converged to celebrate my emergence and are singing and chanting murder. Radiating with so much power I look down at her face and was elated to see it was contorted in pain, her eyes are red, pleading and bulging, sweat and spittle are streaming down her face as I hold her hair in a vice grip, her face is as red as the summer sunset as she gurgled and struggled on her knees and her scream is locked up in her throat as I systematically snuff the life out of her. She knows she stands no chance, she knows she might die but is helpless to do anything about it because of the murderous look in my eyes and the cold constant reminder on her temple.

    It is said that lightening doesn’t strike at a place twice but am going to disprove that for I am the lightening for the hand of destiny and I am fulfilling my lot cast for me by it. I wept bitterly in pleasure as I held her head tight, and felt sick at how I was making her suffer. She left me with no choice and I have given her no choice in return, the tables have been turned, she didn’t think I would find her, she never thought I ever would. As I wept I took a trip down memory lane and remembered the sweet little thirteen year old innocent girl of my past, her only blemish was a genetic affliction that was spontaneous, it made her photo-sensitive and thereby suffering attacks when exposed to certain conditions. What I remembered most were her eyes, eyes that were always filled up with awe and adoration whenever she looked at me. Her sweet innocent smile that brought the sunshine into the darkest of crevices, her eyes, the left chestnut brown while the right velvet blue that haunted my every move and dreams, her constant and insistent chirping as she followed and hounded me around till I gave in to her due to exhaustion. Man is weak, the flesh is weak and I am weak for I let it get the best of me. I got careless, I just wasn’t thinking right and we paid the ultimate price when she told it all and gave me up! We both got banished, I out of the sight of the lord while she went the opposite way, forever doomed to his presence, forever to be his vessel.

   All this years I suffered and almost gave up but her lingering memory kept me going, all the torture that was meted on me all in the name of salvation shattered what was left of my humanity and a new being was born, a cunning and conniving being. Everything came to light and I suddenly realized that I had to play along if I wanted to get a stab at freedom, so fooled them I did by playing along and freedom I achieved and deserved because I persevered.

    Now my patience has payed off and I am reaping the fruit of my labour because revenge is a dish best served cold with a bottle of chilled beer to go with it. Oh God! That feeling! That feeling I so waited for is building up and its about to consume me, impatiently I waited as it rumbled to the surface, only for it and my progress to be interrupted abruptly, Arghhh! I felt the pain before I heard the gunshot. My screamed continued to reverberate in the silent house while I lay crumbled on the floor with my blood spraying around the room as I try unsuccessfully to plug the hole while her two sightless eyes stared at me accusing and blaming me, undeterred i stared back at them too my sight never wavering, daring it to do its worse and when I eventually won the staring contest I started laughing despite the excruciating agony I was experiencing and the amount of blood I was losing, I laughed and laughed till I howled in pain, screamed in frustration and finally burst out laughing again for I was devastated it had to end this way after all the barriers I broke, circumstances I dared to be here and the pains and risk I took to make this reunion perfect.

  I have been incarcerated since I was nineteen, a better part of my youth lost all because of her and now I was going to die because of her. She told her Mama what I did to her and the bitch made sure I was taken away for a very long time. I was tortured for years in the guise of shock therapy and given drugs that was used to control my mind in the name of keeping me lucid but I beat them at their game, I pretended to be responding to treatments, hid them pills they gave me under my tongue then spat them out after they left me, I bided my time and escaped when they lowered their guard. Now there is a manhunt for me in four states and my picture has been circulated all round but I evaded them at every turn and even managed to kidnap her along the way too. The memory of the terror I saw in her eyes when I came for her was precious, she was all dressed up and looking so innocent and free of sin, when we both know what we did together in the past. Now look at her, she still looks beautiful even in death, the only thing that marred this perfect picture was her bloody mouth. I probably wouldn’t have killed her but destiny seemed to have played its card here, how I forgot that she was epileptic, why did she have to have a seizure right before I had my orgasm? Now the bitch is on a train ride to hell with my penis stuck in her mouth and a bullet hole in her temple for all her trouble, I really must remember to get it back from her when I cross to the other side too. I almost didn’t want to use the gun but she was proving too stubborn and I had to point at her temple to force her into cooperation, then  she went down on her knees as if in prayer. Talking about prayer, would God forgive my poor soul after what I have done? Isn’t it ironic that the only person within a 15mile radius that could intercede on my behalf to God is dead with a penis in her mouth? Something about that thought got me giggling again and the picture of her trying to answer for her sins up there with my penis in her mouth threw me into another laughing fit till my side began to hurt.