Old Ricky rained down a whole litany of curses on the bloody weather while he worked his snowplough on route 63 and reflected on his younger days and how life had been easier and a solitary tear stole down his left eye.
The blizzard last night had rendered the roads un-motorable and it was his duty to clear up the snow for traffic to pass, so one could understand old Ricky’s anger and frustration at being called up early when he should have been in his warm bed with his wife Maggie and a steaming mug of beverage. Halfway through his job and still musing over the inequities of life he suddenly noticed a deserted Volkswagen beetle parked illegally at the side of the road and his temper took a nose dive for the worse.
“I’ll be damned” he interjected.
“Who the hell leaves a frigging car on the road in a bloody snowstorm”, he asked.
“If only I could find the owner and give him a piece of his mind for making my work harder”, was what he though as he slowed his plough to a stop.
He then parked his plough, walks over to the car, wipes a spot clean on the snow covered window to take a look and he was met with the most bizarre sight of his whole sixty five years. If not for the fact that death wasn’t good business, he would have laughed his head silly at the sight that beheld him and he almost did thirty minutes later as he was reporting the incident to the police back in town.
An hour later the police and firemen were cutting open the car with an axe to extract the grotesque remains of a smiling and messy obese man who mysteriously and hilariously still held on to a piece of doughnut even in death.
TWENTY FOUR HOURS EARLIER
Fat Freddie for the first time in like forever sadly sat in his cold kitchen devouring what in his opinion he considers a very light breakfast that consisted of a basket of bagels, a bag of pretzel, an odd combination of other junk food and a one liter keg of orange juice. After eating he stood up and dragged himself to the door only for his over-sized stomach to rumble in protest as series of hunger pangs hit him.
He wished he could have eaten more but the doctor had instructed him to eat very little, hence the reason for his sadness. Fat Freddie was a twenty nine year old, 245 pounds overweight computer programmer who couldn’t resist the urge to eat even if his life depended on it and today he had an appointment with a private and discreet medical center who was researching on unorthodox ways to cure obesity through “Aversion Therapy”. This research was in its experimental phase and needed test subjects so there was a slight level of risk which Fat Freddie wouldn’t want to take had he not been in need of a little cash and the AD which he saw online stated that participating attracted a fee of $1500 for each session attended.
He wondered why so much was offered if it wasn’t a life threatening procedure, so he made a call to the center where he inquired about the programme and he was directed to a Doctor Philips who explained to him that Aversion therapy wasn’t life threatening, it was a form of psychological/physical treatment in which the patient is exposed to a stimulus while simultaneously being subjected to some form of discomfort, he further stressed that this condition is intended to cause the patient to associate the stimulus with unpleasant sensations in order to stop the specific behavior, which in this case was gluttony. The doctor also explained that the reason why they were paying test subjects so high was because they wanted to keep a low profile by buying their silence since their methods weren’t accepted by certain circles in the medical community.
After weighing all the pros and cons he reached certain conclusions that led to him leaving an apartment he hadn’t left in months and driving his Volkswagen beetle he hadn’t driven in about a year but kept serviced in case of unforeseen contingencies.
His conclusions were these;
- He was going to be paid $1500 to be injected with an emetic drug, and then have electrodes attached to his body while different arrays of dishes were being served to him as electric shocks were administered in doses, then the foods would be replaced by a video of different body fitness man oeuvres during this time the abuse will cease and then finally he undergoes an hypnotic session.
- He gets to eat a lot of mouth watering food but unfortunately would be forced to vomit them by the emetic drugs while doses of electric shock were being administered.
- They wasn’t any risk of death but he still had to sign a waiver stating that the center would not be held responsible if anything happened to him during the course of the experiments.
- There was a chance even if it was slight, that his eating issues get cured for free.
- And the final motivator, he gets to go home with tax free $1500 in cash because the hospital didn’t want any paper trail.
After squeezing himself into the Volkswagen beetle he put on the heater because it was snowing and then realized he only had enough fuel to carry him to the hospital, so he made a mental note to buy fuel on his way back, then he starts the car and crawled out of his driveway.
He arrived twenty minutes behind schedule because the hospital was a town away from his residence, and he further wasted another five trying to get out of his jalopy beetle because for some obscure reason he found it harder to get out of the car.
THE PROCEDURE
He was seated on a recliner greedily and longingly casting furtive looks at the number of dishes arrayed on a table as Doctor Philips and two other nurses made preparations and he was suddenly eager to get this over with because he had almost lost his nerves twice and gone back home. First was when he realized that he by far exceeded the weight the elevator could carry and therefore had to use the stairway to Doctor Phillips office on the third floor and the second time was when he was about signing the waiver, but on both occasions he remembered all the delicacies he had promised himself he would buy with the money and that strengthened his resolve again. Ten minutes later they were ready for him and the doctor addressed him.
“How are you feeling Fredrick”?
And he answered, “Very fine doctor, infact I have never felt better”
“Very good”, the doctor replied.
“We are ready to begin and I wanted to know if you are ready too”.
And Freddie replied, “I was ready the very minute I entered the hospital grounds”.
So the doctor asked the nurse to inject Freddie with the emetic drug while he attached him to a machine. When that was done the first set of food was brought and offered to Freddie and after he took the first morsel his body convulse in shock as the dial on the machine was turned.
“Ouch”! He yelled,
Then he immediately began to throw up.
“Doctor Philips addressed him saying”.
“Do not be worried because we will only administer enough electric shocks to make you uncomfortable but never enough to kill you”
“Okay Doctor”, Freddie replied as he cleaned his mouth.
“Are you ready”? The Doctor asked
“And he said yes for the second time as he closed his eyes, swallowed a morsel and cringed in dreadful anticipation for the shock that was going to accompany it”.
After several hours of shocks, vomiting and hypnosis, Freddie finally left the hospital $1500 richer, a few pounds lighter, three days hungrier and in a reservoir full of foul mood. He couldn’t forgive the doctor for making him waste all those foods, in his books it was the height of immorality and it strongly went against his misguided principles, hence the foul mood. So he decided to stop by at fast food joint and buy something to eat because eating cheered him up and most importantly he was ravenous.
By the time he got back to the car it was already getting dark and traffic coming into the town was thinning because it had been announced earlier that there was going to be a blizzard, so he took a big bite from the hot dog he held, started his car and hit route 63 and soon discovered that he was the only one traveling on it for miles. Two bowls of ice creams, five hot dogs, three cakes and eight doughnuts later his car suddenly coughed to a stop as he was singing to “He is a jolly good fellow, he is a jolly good fellow” on his radio, and instinctively his eyes went to the fuel gauge which was already empty and he wished he could kick himself in the butt for forgetting to buy fuel.
So this was the situation; An obese man surrounded by a lot of food was stuck in his car which in turn was stuck on the road, the nearest station or town was about two kilometer in both directions, he hadn’t seen any car pass him on the road in the last thirty minutes prior to stopping and before then, it was very dark, the temperature was freezing and worse, he wanted to use the toilet so bad that he could actually smell his feces in his breathe. But Fat Freddie ever being the optimist prick took solace in the fact that he at least had food to eat during this turbulent phase of his life, so he picked up a piece of chocolate crusted cake and began to munch away without regard for his already deteriorating state and protesting stomach. Hours later, long after his running stomach had rumbled in protest and fat Freddie had soiled his pants, the first stage of hypothermia began to set in and he began to lose sensation in his body as his skin began to turn blue, his thinking became sluggish, he began talking to nothing in a slurred voice, amnesia set him and he eventually became delirious. All he saw around him were dishes upon dishes of delicacies being served to him by angels and he kept on wolfing and wolfing them down because wasting food went against his principles and his last thoughts as he slipped into nothingness was “I could get used to living like this forever”.
My Dark School Of Thoughts 
Leave a comment