My Dark School Of Thoughts

     At the beginning it was a one way thing with you pushing so hard for equilibrium and I always knew one thing about you, and that was your dissatisfaction over the want for the finer things of life which was well hidden form view because of your problem that was tagged under the label “Low Self Esteem”. You had it in abundance that it was so unhealthy for us and it bothered me a lot, I wondered why a entity who seems to have enough of the finer things would be plagued by that kind of psychological and emotional malady, and I reached my conclusion that it was partly due to greed, your immediate environment and those encompassed in it. So we worked together on it with me guiding and encouraging you as only a teacher would, and with time matters got better, but like I said life will always throw you a twists and my own twist was in the form of your “Low Self Esteem” paving a wide way for a new malady called “Delusion of Grandeur”, how true it is when they say “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know”. Your new found belief and confidence in yourself has warranted you to think that you are better than me. That better things are needed in your life because of your new found status that was created by your delusions and I therefore wasn’t good enough for you no longer. But before I continue I must say this; I didn’t make you better, you made yourself what you are today and found your true self with just a little nudging from me, and your decision to try new waters was already envisioned by me all along and I took steps and made preparation against it by carefully finding the right, efficient and experienced ship that would know and understand its limitations then at the same time will know, understand and accept mine too, so I guess I just let things happen to see if I was wrong or I more or less led you on.

            It is funny because you’re like a cat that looks in the mirror and see’s itself as a lion. It’s quite understandable if you want to test new waters, but why try to muddle the one you have been sailing on all these while with little complaints, so that you can say it’s too uncomfortable and dirty as an excuse to jump ships? Even if the waters gave you a stormy and turbulent sail a couple of times it still doesn’t give you the temerity to forget the smooth sailings you had enjoyed under its current, That was the only shocking aspect of your betrayal, you forgetting about them good old days , the accusations and then the innuendos. What you never even knew or probably suspected was that the waters carried you with your best interest at heart even when it was turbulent, and you of all knew that the storm, turbulence and fiery winds you experienced during that time were not its doings but those of mostly nature of which we have no control over, and though i admit i handled and steered you through it wrongly at times, but what did you expect? They say what don’t kill you will only make you stronger, so I am by far stronger now that I have survived it all, thanks on a small part to you though. You can be likened to a moderately built ship with low craftsman ship that has a good but not very efficient engine, and if worked on with care, patience and understanding would cross any ocean, barriers and conquer any adversary. I hope you find that kind of waters with that kind of understanding needed to steer you through.

     Remember a mere cat that has illusions of being a lion would be torn to shred by a real lion, shot down by the higher predator in the wild or worse locked up in a zoo for all its troubles because the illusion you have created has managed to cross beyond the threshold of its own imagination into others and thereby making them see it for what it isn’t, and remember its only “fools that dare thread where angels fear”. The truth is this if you have carried a ship under your current for to long you tend to develop an uncanny ability of reading it accurately by its sway, twists and turns, from the beginning of our first journey I started getting an idea about the likeliest of our eventual outcome. So on a level I start to create slight stumbling blocks to see how the ship fares, it did to well in so many situations, to well that I almost couldn’t fathom why. But in the end I knew one thing; our journey was going to be cut short because you lacked perseverance, depth and insight, but I continued to worship the path it sailed on all the same because with life there is hope. Your excitement and zeal at the inception which can be attributed to your inexperience was because of your lack of ideas and the anticipation of an adventure. I must admit initially your excitement was infectious but I later had to pause and began to perform a reality check and realized the whole aim of the initial partnership was misplaced and our entire voyage was an illusion. I initially made the mistake of believing that you were realistic in your expectations until it became a situation where you who was just an adventurer that only want to see new things and know things decided to become a fisherman and eventually worse, a pirate. First you wanted me to direct you towards where you’re net could catch fishes, but the season was bad all round which was obviously not my doing but that of natures again, and it looked like you understood then but you turned around again and wanted me to direct you towards treasures! For God sake treasures! When we couldn’t even catch any fish to start with and when some professional pirates don’t even find treasure in their entire life time, you wanted me to steer you to treasures within a short time without any certain route to go through or any map to use as guidance. So I guess I will say this; my current wasn’t very strong for you and a need for a stronger current to steer you through to you goal was urgent and that made our eventual disbanding imminent, but remember how I showed you so much patience during your time of uncertainty, when you were blundering around clueless and without a care for who or what you might hurt. It’s all good! Your actions need no explanation because I understand to well, in the world of soccer if a coach is employed for a particular purpose [to win trophies] and he fails to deliver he would eventually get the boot or the hammer, so the same has been applied to my case here.

    Delusions are said to be a false idea or belief of and in one’s self [which in this case is you] or one’s situation [which is yours].  So these are my questions; are you still living in an illusion created by you, me or both of us? Who really created the illusion you are living in? Are you a cat pretending to be a lion? Or you are just a cat that actually thinks and see it’s self as a lion? Or you are a cat dreaming or hoping to be a lion? Or you have always been a lion but think it is a cat that only catches a glimpse of its real self in the mirror occasionally? Or the transformation from a cat to a lion is still in the process or vice versa? What would you rather be, a meek cat or a wild lion? Or you are not and have never been either?  Then what are you? And the final real question: who is the Illusionist here? I or you?